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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed, dead soldiers who were convinced that god was on their side. George Carlin
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I don’t vote. Two reasons. First of all it’s meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long time ago. The shit they shovel around every 4 years *pfff* doesn’t mean a fucking thing. Secondly, I believe if you vote, you have no right to complain. People like to twist that around – they say, ‘If you don’t vote, you have no right to complain’, but where’s the logic in that? If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. I, on the other hand, who did not vote, who in fact did not even leave the house on election day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done and have every right to complain about the mess you created that I had nothing to do with. George Carlin
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The Male Disease by George Carlin

George Carlin - The Male Disease

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Have you noticed that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? George Carlin
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America’s leading industry, America’s most profitable business, is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution and marketing of bullshit. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure, American bullshit. And the sad part is, most people seem indoctrinated to believe that bullshit only comes from certain places, certain sources; advertising, politics, salesmen. Not true. Bullshit is everywhere. Bullshit is rampant. Parents are full of shit. Teachers are full of shit. Clergymen are full of shit. And law enforcement people are full of shit. This entire country is completely full of shit and always has been from the Declaration of Independence to the Constitution to the Star Spangled Banner. It’s really nothing more than one big steaming pile of red-white-and-blue all-American bullshit. Because, think of how we started. Think of that. This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us: “All men are created equal.” Oh, yeah, all men. Except for indians and niggers and women, right? I always like to use that authentic American language. This was a small group of un-elected, white-male, land-holding slave owners who also suggested their class be the only one allowed to vote. Now that is what’s known as being stunningly and embarrasingly full of shit. George Carlin
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I enjoy chaos and disorder, not just because they help me professionally, they’re also my hobby, you see, I’m an entropy fan. I’m an entropy fan, when I first heard of entropy in high school science I was attracted to it immediately. When they told me that in nature all systems are breaking down, I thought what a good thing, what a good thing, perhaps I can make some small contribution in this area myself.

And of course it’s not just in nature, in this country, the whole social structure just beginning to collapse, you watch, just beginning now to come apart at the edges and the seams. And the thing I like about that, is that it means it makes the news on television more interesting…

 George Carlin
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Carlin On Businessmen
  • Q: You talk about businessmen with such scorn. That’s the lifeblood of America, isn’t it?
  • Carlin: It absolutely is, and that’s probably why there is so much scorn. Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which is usual with cattle, but to do the buying. And everyone is branded. You see the brands—Nike, Puma, Coke—all over their bodies. Pretty soon you’ll go to a family and say, “$100,000 if we can tattoo Pepsi on your child’s forehead, and we’ll have it removed when he’s twenty-one. A hundred grand.” I’m sure the George Washington Bridge will someday be the Ford Motor Company George Washington Bridge. It’s gone beyond what you can merely mock, so it has to be a frontal attack. Folks, this is bullshit. This is jerk-off time. Don’t you see what’s happening? What you’re doing? What you’re participating in? You know, that justice is blind, everyone’s equal, the press is fair and impartial. It’s what I call the “American Okey-Dokey.” It’s the official bullshit story.
  • And Americans have, for long enough now, been exposed to the exaggerated reality of the experiment here that they accept it. And the prosperity makes it easy enough for them not to go ahead and question things. You get a good five-, six-year depression in this country, and you’ll see some folks out with torches and shit. I mean, that’s what I would love to see. But who’s going to do that when you’re comfy?
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“Here’s another slogan you run into all the time,God bless America!” Once again, respectfully, I say to myself: “What the fuck does that mean?” God bless America? Is that a request? Is that a demand? Is that a suggestion? Politicians say it at the end of every speech as if it were some sort of verbal tick that they can’t get rid of. “God bless you and God bless America! God bless you and God bless America!” I guess they figure that if they leave it out someone’s gonna think they’re bad Americans! Let me tell you a little secret about God, folks: God does not give a flyin’ fuck about America. OK? He doesn’t care! He never cared about this country! He never has, he never will. He doesn’t care about this country anymore than he cares about Mongolia Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, the Suez Canal or the North Pole! He simply doesn’t care, OK? He doesn’t care! Listen! There are 200 countries in the world now! Do these people honestly think that God is sitting around picking out his favorites? Why would he do that? Why would God have a favorite country? And why would it be America out of all the countries? Because you have the most money? Because he likes our National Anthem? Maybe it’s because he heard we have 18 delicious flavors of Classic Rice-A-Roni? It’s delusional thinking! And America is not alone with this sort of delusions. Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody’s gonna be disappointed! Somebody’s wasting their fucking time! Could it be… everyone? Now… now… If people wanna say “God Bless America”, that’s their business, I don’t care, but here’s what I don’t understand: If they say “God Bless America”, presumably, they believe in God and if they do, they must have heard, God loved everyone! That’s what he said, he loved everyone and loved them equally! So why would these people ask God to do something that went against his own teachings? You know what these “God Bless America” people oughta do? They oughta check with that Jesus fellow they’re so crazy about. They’re always talking about “What would Jesus do?” They don’t wanna know so they can do it - they just wanna know so they can tell other people to do it! Well, I’ll tell you what Jesus would have done. I’ll tell you what Jesus would have done! He would have gone up on the top of the Empire State Building and said: “God bless everyone around the world forever and ever ‘till the end of time!” That’s what Jesus would have done, and that’s what these people should do, or else they should admit that “God Bless America” is really just some sort of an empty slogan, with no real meaning except for something vague like “good luck!” Good luck, America! You’re on your own!… which is a little bit closer to the truth”- George Carlin

“Here’s another slogan you run into all the time,God bless America!” Once again, respectfully, I say to myself: “What the fuck does that mean?” God bless America? Is that a request? Is that a demand? Is that a suggestion? Politicians say it at the end of every speech as if it were some sort of verbal tick that they can’t get rid of. “God bless you and God bless America! God bless you and God bless America!” I guess they figure that if they leave it out someone’s gonna think they’re bad Americans! Let me tell you a little secret about God, folks: God does not give a flyin’ fuck about America. OK? He doesn’t care! He never cared about this country! He never has, he never will. He doesn’t care about this country anymore than he cares about Mongolia Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, the Suez Canal or the North Pole! He simply doesn’t care, OK? He doesn’t care! Listen! There are 200 countries in the world now! Do these people honestly think that God is sitting around picking out his favorites? Why would he do that? Why would God have a favorite country? And why would it be America out of all the countries? Because you have the most money? Because he likes our National Anthem? Maybe it’s because he heard we have 18 delicious flavors of Classic Rice-A-Roni? It’s delusional thinking! And America is not alone with this sort of delusions. Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody’s gonna be disappointed! Somebody’s wasting their fucking time! Could it be… everyone? Now… now… If people wanna say “God Bless America”, that’s their business, I don’t care, but here’s what I don’t understand: If they say “God Bless America”, presumably, they believe in God and if they do, they must have heard, God loved everyone! That’s what he said, he loved everyone and loved them equally! So why would these people ask God to do something that went against his own teachings? You know what these “God Bless America” people oughta do? They oughta check with that Jesus fellow they’re so crazy about. They’re always talking about “What would Jesus do?” They don’t wanna know so they can do it - they just wanna know so they can tell other people to do it! Well, I’ll tell you what Jesus would have done. I’ll tell you what Jesus would have done! He would have gone up on the top of the Empire State Building and said: “God bless everyone around the world forever and ever ‘till the end of time!” That’s what Jesus would have done, and that’s what these people should do, or else they should admit that “God Bless America” is really just some sort of an empty slogan, with no real meaning except for something vague like “good luck!” Good luck, America! You’re on your own!… which is a little bit closer to the truth”

- George Carlin

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George Carlin - Rockets and Penises in the Persian Gulf - 1992

His thoughts on american imperialism, propaganda, and how all wars are ” big prick waving dickfights” 

“I’ve got this real moron thing I do called thinking. And I’m not a very good american because I like to form my own opinions” 

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